Squared up

You may have noticed that I let someone knock me off my square. I'm better now. I've spent a work week on the phone with every law enforcement agency, bank, and idenity theft assistance program that exists in America and not only is my credit iron-clad, it's guarded by big mean beastly dragons. I'm still feeling a little murderous, and am still completely capable of doing a violence on some human beings wasting air on my planet though.

In other news, Tiny is now officially a preteen. I'd post pictures, but they were lost with the computer. I am currently recovering photos and stuff and will post a pic filled entry later.

Today is my 12th wedding anniversary. We've actually been together for 17 years, so today is not as significant to me as another date coming in August. I'll spare you the gushing about my fabulous husband, since I did that in another post, but with Mother's Day coming tomorrow, and my kids with their grandma for the weekend, I know I'm going to have lots of fun (all kinds of fun...not just THAT).

An Open letter to the person who robbed me last week

Dear motherfucker,

Run and hide motherfucker. If I ever find you, I will slit your throat, watch the life drain out of your worthless carcass, and feed you to my dogs. You will have figured out by now that my identity is harder to steal than the items in my house. Be assured that I will be watching and waiting for as long as it takes to see your ugly ass behind bars. Every time you apply for another credit card in my name, every time you try to open an account, or pretend to be me, you leave one more clue. Just show up to pick the mail. Please. I know where the mail goes. Eventually, you will be caught. Pray that the police catch you before I do.

takin' care of business...every day! takin' care of business....

Sorry about that. I had an 80's moment.

Made some stash-busting hats. I forgot to take a picture of the Shedir I made...with 2 inches of yarn to spare. I'll include that later.

Don't say it. We all know what it looks like. Not a morel mushroom. (okay, well, sort of...) It actually looks pretty good on children, but as warm as it has been, my children aren't modeling.
Details:
Pattern: Dependence (found the pattern on ravelry, which has crashed for the moment so I can't provide a link)
Yarn: Araucania Nature wool, about half a skein
Notes: Fun cabling. trying to figure out a way to take the conical shape out of it by modifying the cables.

Pattern: Thorpe by Kirsten Kapur (link to pdf)
Yarn: Araucania Nature Wool Chunky
Notes: The hat is too deep, and I don't mean that it said something meaningful. I made the medium size, with the fact that everyone in this house has a gigatic head in mind, and the brim falls over the eyes on everyone who has tried it on. Next time, depth for the small size, circumference for the medium size.

I have a new product in the shop (see the mini shop on the left). Only hours after posting, I sold all that I had and then some. A shop in New Hampshire has ordered several sets. Yay!

You know you want some. They've been road tested, and the beads DO NOT come loose, as some other, more expensive brands sometimes do. The rings are sturdier, the beads come in scads of colors, the glue is better. And the best part? FIVE BUCKS for twenty rings. If you live in town, we can even arrange a pick up to save postage. Email me and we can skip some of the fees.

Ketchup is goooooood.

Apologies. I had final projects due and an asshole team member who is doing his masters as a lark in his old age dragging me into the mire of his incompetence. He is gone, I remain. FOUR POINT O, yeah.

Last week, The Genius had five of her bestest friends over for some nice cake and laser-tagging. They got their collective butts kicked by a bunch of little kids at the Zap Zone.

She got presents (one of which was supposed to be The Cello, which we are still trying to find),

she had help with the cake,

and even a little instrumental accompaniment for the noise that gaggles of teen girls make.

The Imp is wearing his new Wonderful Wallaby. When he saw the pattern book, he was convinced by a picture of a wallaby wearing a hoodie that the hoodie came with ears. What kind of mother would I be if I left the ears off? I sewed them on all crooked and stuff, but he doesn't care. Wore it for a week straight until I convinced him that it really wasn't necessary to wear woolen hoodies in 70 degree weather. He immediately ceased morphing into a hopping, nibbling Australian beast and commenced normal Transformers-in-battle-with-Decepticons behavior.

This week was my beastie's sixth birthday. Yes, the whole week. I tend to be a little indulgent with myself too this week. After all, it took me a whole week to get him out. We did cupcakes at school, opened present for three days, and tomorrow, he's taking his buddies to the movies and to his favorite Frosty Korner for some blueberry soft serve on a sugar cone.

I mean, how could you resist?

(he does love him some dinosaur pajammies. We do have jammies that fit. He loves THESE jammies.)

His socks are eternally filthy. It's not a good indicator of how dirty my house is, though is isn't eating-off-the-floor clean, because he has an innate ability to find dirt where there is none.

Yeah, sweet. Just wait until he wakes up.

Knitting stuff and stitch markers coming in the next post.

Next week, Tiny turns eleven and becomes a preteen. *sigh*

Things change, Pappy

My elfin middle child, Tiny, shot that comment back at her daddy over dinner last night when he was telling one of those "when I was a kid..." stories. She was so matter-of-fact about it, though the twinkle in her eye gave away her amusement. "Things change, Pappy." she said so softly that I almost missed it.

...and she's right. They do change. The Genius is 14 years old today. FOURTEEN. Gads. Where did all those years go? Overnight, she's morphed from a gawky, dorky preteen with gigantic feet, stork legs, and braces into a gorgeous young woman (though the gigantic feet and dorkiness remain). Somewhere before the crack of dawn fourteen years ago, this fat, sedate little eating machine (that hasn't stopped...) popped into my life, and time moved faster all of a sudden.

When she was two, she fell and split her forehead on a stone, which sent me into a hysterical frenzy that nearly made my heart stop. There's still a tiny, crescent shaped scar near her hairline from that day. My mother, in all her wackiness, saw the bright side of things. She said that it was good that the scar remained. My girl was so perfect that the gods would be tempted to take her, and now that scar, that flaw, would keep her safe. Weird, I know.

She has the gift of diplomacy (I know. It skipped a generation.) and is fair, kind, and generous. People trust her. She has chosen the most reviled kid in her class and taken him/her under her wing. Her group of friends choose younger kids at their school to mentor. The school doesn't even know they do this. She doesn't gossip (how does that happen?) and chooses friends wisely. She has given her hair to Locks of Love twice. She plays for hours with the little kids on the block, and watches over The Boy with unrelenting diligence. She scored higher on the SAT at age 11 than I did at age 17. Colleges and universities are already recruiting her, and she hasn't even finished her freshman year yet. She plays her cello (we have tentatively found The Cello and have it on loan for a week) beautifully though she refuses lessons. She earned a scholarship to a summer music camp with her skills. She's astoundingly gorgeous, having taken the best of what little my husband and I have had to offer in the way of looks. Boys fall like trees in a volcanic blast in her wake and she doesn't even notice them.

She has developed a few more flaws since that day twelve years ago, but they are few, and bearable. I'm a little stunned that she came from me. I mean, wow. Every parent has those moments when they look at their children and think, "I made that. We made that." What a miracle, this life. A couple of teeny cells can turn into...this. I'm so proud to be her mother.

Heck yeah.

First, you all should know that WEBS is having their anniversary sale. Time to STOCK UP on the Cascade, folks (hands off the sapphire heather!).

Second, you have to see what I knit yesterday.

Details:

Pattern is Ruth Sørensen's Knit a Hat pattern. For 50 DKK (around $10), you get charts for 5 different patterns and instructions for several different shape and brim options. You know you want the pattern. She's really a very nice person.

Yarn is Kauni Effektgarn EQ from Little Knits (A really great place to shop. They ship fast and include nice notes with the package.) and Dale Baby Ull. Two balls of Kauni can make at least 3 hats.

Knit on size 4 needles.

Notes: The flower hat comes with two options - a high crown and low crown. Next time I'll knit the lower crown because it turned out too tall even for my giant head. Also, I didn't think about it until I went to block the hat, but the baby ull is superwash and behaves differently from the Kauni when wet. It turned out okay, but next time I'm going to use another shade of Kauni Effektgarn as recommended. The Kauni felt a little scratchy in the ball, but is surprisingly soft to knit with and wear, and it's frickin' beautiful. It's really too bad that this shape of hat makes my head look like a gaudy condom tip. Oh well, the girls will love them.

Look at what the knitting fairy got me

Yep. Those are the Knitpicks Harmony Interchangeable needles. Aren't they just beautiful? I've been wanting a set forever, and out of a misguided sense of loyalty to someone I never got them until now. This nice lady on ravelry sold them to me. They are the shiznit. Slick, pointy, wonderful tips, smooth joins, super flexible cables...They are AWESOME. I'm getting rid of those clickety clackety dull Addis. In fact, I'm getting rid of most of my needles (there are many) because of this set. Even my beloved Brittany's pale in comparison.

In other knitting news, I'm working on this:

It's the Point D'Esprit Shawl with Solid Center by Aurora Yarns. I know you all will think it's gorgeous when you look at the link, but I HATE IT. I've never hated a piece as much as this. I got talked into trying out this pattern to go with the Garnstudio Alpaca that I was coveting. That was two or three years ago, and I've been slogging through it ever since. In fact, I've knit the middle part twice. The garter center is overly mindless and BORING for days. You can't knit it without looking because the yarn is a little splitty and sticks to itself, so you're liable to knit the row below (hence knitting it twice).

Then, when you get through the coma-inducing center, you have to knit the lace border. Again, it requires constant attention (can't knit and actually watch TV, though the TV can make wonderful background noise) and is even more fiddly because of the nature of the yarn. I keep working on this until I want to set fire to things, then I put it away until I forget how much it sucks to knit it. That's why it's taking me this long. You may ask why I'm still working on this. Why haven't I just frogged it and moved on? After all, life is too short to knit things you don't like. I'm stubborn and past the point of no return. I don't have anything else I want to knit with this yarn, and I'll never be able to sell the yarn because I've knit with it so damn much.

I'll be adding lace and shawl knitting to my list of things I'll try again after stick my eyes out with a rusty spike. When I'm done, I'm giving it to my mother-in-law.

On a more positive note, I did teach myself how to do a fine Russian join because of this project.

My graduate studies are chugging along nicely despite my professor's efforts to be as vague and unavailable as possible. I'd tell you about what I'm doing, but judging from my husband's reactions, you wouldn't find it very interesting (he tends to glaze over and wander off).

counting blessings: no knitting content today

Dagnabbit. Camera issues and the rigors of graduate studies are making this a mighty dull blog. Sorry about that. Until I get the dratted thing fixed, and I have more time away from my constant studying, you'll all have to settle with whatever is passing through my addled head (want to discuss the topic for my masters research project?) at the moment. Today, it's grey and cold outside. It's actually snowing a little, and the wind is whooshing up and down the chimney. Kind of depressing, so it's time to take stock.

• I've never defaulted on a loan or not paid for goods when billed.
• I pay all my taxes.
• I have never plagiarized anything or cheated on a test (you all saw the City Pulse article, right?).
• I keep my driver's license and plates up to date.
• I've never told someone I would do something and reneged (unless I forgot, and even then I took care of it when reminded).
• I don't lie (except by omission and only when it would hurt someone if I told the truth, like "yes, you do look fat in that"... you know...but I certainly don't promise people things that I have no intention of getting them).
• I give to charity regularly.
• I have brought homeless kids into my home, given kids lunch money, rides, rescued them out of jail, and even held the hand of a homeless girl in labor when no one else showed up at the hospital.
• If somebody gives me a job, any job, I work my ass off to complete the job, even when it is to my disadvantage to do so.
• I raise my kids with the thought in mind that they have to grow up and not be nuisances to society.

In short, I try my best to do what's right, and not be the hypocrite that most of my students see in all adults. Sometimes doing what's right doesn't feel good, especially when those who employ me don't, and they still get to be employers. So what do I get for being good?

• I earn 4.0s on every graduate class I have ever taken (woohoo!)
• I get NICE knitting commissions from NICE people, who let me pick what yarn to knit and insist that we all support small LYSs.
• I get job opportunities (and hubby does too). This would seem odd were it not for the current state of affairs in the area. Don't be surprised if someone steals me away from this godforsaken town.
• I have an ironclad credit report and no one is going to foreclose on my house (again with the current state of affairs).
• I get kids who all earn straight As, give me a minimum of grief and a maximum of joy.
• I don't ever get sued, audited, or financially penalized for being an ass about my money.
• I get unwavering respect from some of the most criminal minds in the teen world (comes in handy in my part of the woods), some of whom have gone on to college and are becoming outstanding participants in society. The ones who didn't go to college? They have their own code of honor and pay their taxes too, when they are employed.

Okay, feeling a little less grey inside. Thanks for listening, and have a great day.

Blowing smoke...

Just stopping in to say hi during a study break, bigger posts coming next week. I'm spending the next few days trying to find as many ways as possible to blow smoke up someone's butt.

I've got final projects/papers due this week (three MAJOR research analysis assignments), some of them with my learning team, (which is sucking the life out of me. WHY oh why do I always get assigned to the group with people who have no clue? Just once, I want to be assigned to a group of go-getters). *puff*

Also have a number of things to do to fight some rather interesting developments (trying to be diplomatic here...don't laugh) in my school district. Just trying to return the "favor" I've been dealt. It's like taking a barefoot walk on a rocky beach. *puff puff puff* If you live within city limits and would like to DO SOMETHING, please email me. Sorry non-city dwellers, I love the support, but you don't vote here, your children don't go to school here, and I can't put you to work. If you live here and think you don't care, you should. This will cause the people who continue to bring business and money to this city to leave. It will cause the value of your homes to drop even further. It will put kids out on the street to damage your property when they should be in school.

Speaking of blowing smoke, how did we let Bush (I'm watching him on MSNBC while I write paper number one) puff like that for EIGHT years? He really shouldn't be allowed to ad lib. I'm feeling a little violated. We're going to need major roto-rooting to clean out that stinky mess.

drifting off in a waft of....... *puff*

Close your eyes tight and repeat after me...

I wish it was spring, I wish it was spring, I wish it was spring...

Pound on the wood (no, not that wood), throw a bucket of salt, blow out some candles, click those heels together...get on it people. My new Versace sunglasses (don't EVER let your former students wait on you, EVER) need a workout, as does my ass.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Aww hell...

You have got to see this if you really, I mean REALLY love yarn...especially mohair. Follow this link (this is for adults, but everyone is well covered on the site) and enter a world of wonder.

(The things you can learn on ravelry are endless.)